pieces and ponderings

     One of my favorite books is the book, “Hinds Feet on High Places,” by Hannah Hurnard.  It is an allegory describing the journey of a Christian to the place of living the abundant life, a life full of joy and trust in God.

   Much Afraid is the central character in the story, taking the journey from the Valley of Humiliation to the High Places in the Kingdom of Love.  She is taken there by the Chief Shepherd himself.  Along the journey, Much Afraid’s trust in her Shepherd is tested again and again.  With each new test…each trial…she ultimately chooses to build an altar and submit her will to her  Shepherd’s.  Much Afraid, though a fictional character, has become an encouraging example for me in my journey to the high places.

     Several years ago, I contracted a virus which really did a number on me.  This harmless childhood illness was not harmless to me as an adult.  The virus progressed into meningitis and left me with chronic health issues.  During that first year of  illness, my life and my family’s life was greatly altered.  One of the hardest things for me was to watch my family leave for church on Sunday mornings without me.

    I remember one Sunday morning in particular, after sending my family off, I was just so sad and really wondered why God wouldn’t just make me better.  Going to church with my family was a good thing, right?  Why couldn’t God heal me so I could do good things with my family?  My husband needed his wife and my children needed their momma.

    After shedding some tears, I knew that once again I needed to surrender my will and my desires to my Heavenly Father.  I needed to build an altar, just like Much Afraid, to symbolize my submission.

    I was already on my knees, so I looked around for something that would serve as an altar.  I saw my tennis shoes.  Just walking around had become a challenge because of the effects of the illness.  My shoes seemed very appropriate.  I gathered my shoes and knelt over them and prayed.

    After a while, I had peace in my heart.  When I opened my eyes and looked at those shoes…I realized that the type of shoes I had knelt over were “cross-trainers.”  God’s Spirit spoke to my heart.  God seemed to whisper  that this time of trial in my life was about training me to carry my cross and follow Him.

    Matthew 16:24 says, “Then Jesus told His disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”

     Submission is never easy.  Submission again and again requires endurance, but that is so often what we are called to as Christ-followers.

    James 1:2-4tells us:  “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance (or endurance).  Perseverance (endurance) must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

     Your faith is extremely important to God.  My faith is extremely important to God.  God so wants us to trust Him.  And often faith comes through trials, submitting to God again and again, and that takes endurance…that takes perseverance…that takes trust in Someone greater than ourselves.

     “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which Clings so closely, and let us run with endurance (in your cross-trainers) the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”  (Hebrews 12:1-2)

We can keep on running with endurance in whatever way we need, because Jesus ran His race well…with endurance…and crossed the finish line.  And he never leaves us to run our races alone…he’s always close by.

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     Last year our youngest decided that he wanted to play baseball.  So in the early spring he and his dad went and signed up…committing our evenings and Saturdays to being at the ballpark.  Player evaluations were held and teams were selected and we received a call from a coach telling us that child number 5 was to be on his team.

     Our boy didn’t know anyone on his team because he went to a different school than his teammates…but that didn’t matter…the boys welcomed him with open arms and new friendships were made.  The team’s colors were orange and black and so my laundry began to be dotted with very dirty orange and black baseball socks and baseball pants and baseball practice shirts.

     Since child number 5 had never played baseball on a team before, new equipment had to be purchased…and lots of sunscreen and bug spray for the player and the family members who would occupy the stands.

     Practices began and our boy began to work on his baseball skills.  He worked hard.  He would have 2-3 evening practices during the week and practice for 3-4 hours on Saturdays.  THEN he would come home from practices and ask his mom or dad or brothers or sister if any of us would throw a ball with him or help him with his hitting…and we did.  On several Sunday afternoons our entire family would be out in the front yard with baseball gloves, throwing pop flies and grounders.

     And when mom or dad or brothers or sister didn’t have the time or energy or desire to practice with little brother, he practiced anyway with his pitchback or just throwing balls high in the air and catching them.  He was committed to this new sport…his whole heart was in it.  He worked and worked and worked throughout the spring…at practices and at home…and all of that hard work began to show results on the field.  By the end of the regular season, child number 5 was a much improved baseball player.  His coaches lobbied hard for him to be selected to our town’s all-star team and selected he was…all because of his hard work…all because his heart was totally in it.

     I am still proud of our son’s diligence and hard work and commitment and courage to do something he had never done before and give it everything he had.  It inspires me.

     Commitment like that, whole-hearted devotion like that is great.  It’s admirable, even if it’s only for a season.  But what about long-term whole-hearted devotion, isn’t that even more admirable and impressive? 

     The last couple of days, as I continue to read through the book of Joshua in the Bible, I’ve been reading about a man name Caleb.  Caleb was a contemporary of Joshua…I think they were probably friends.  The two of them were among the 12 spies that Moses sent to scout out the land that God had promised to Israel.  Caleb and Joshua came back from their reconnaissance mission encouraged by what they saw in the new land.  Sure there were enemies, but God had said that He would take care of those.  They were ready to gather the troops at Moses’ command and conquer the land.

     But the other 10 spies didn’t see things the same way.  They saw the giants in the land and their hearts melted with fear and they convinced the rest of the Israelite people that they should be afraid also.  Result:  they spent the next 40 years wandering in the desert under God’s discipline until the next generation was raised up to go in and conquer the land.  Only Joshua and Caleb would get to be a part of the Israelites that would eventually claim God’s promised victory.

     In chapter 14 of Joshua, Caleb comes to Joshua and reminds Joshua of God’s promised inheritance that was to go to him, because he had followed the LORD his God wholeheartedly. 

     Caleb’s heart had been in everything he did for God…the spying out of the land, the waiting 40 years to receive his promised inheritance, the fighting to take the promised land from enemies.  That’s a lifetime of whole-hearted devotion…that’s commitment…that’s incredible.

     Caleb was 85-years-old when he received the reward of God’s promise to him…WOW!  Now that’s impressive! 45+ years of whole-hearted devotion…his heart was definitely in it!

  At the end of my life, and I may not make it to 85, will there be anything that others can look at and say, “She was whole-heartedly devoted to that.”  Is my heart fully committed to loving God and loving others, to serving Him with an obedient heart?  That’s what really matters.  That’s what mattered to Caleb.

Is my heart in it?

My All-Star

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WARNING:  The following is about surgery scars and is not meant to be gross.

I have a three inch scar down the middle of my lower abdomen.  It’s surrounded by four smaller scars, all from surgery that I had a few months ago.  I noticed the larger scar this morning as I was finishing taking a shower.  I hopped into and out of the shower quickly as I got ready for the day.  I remembered how that wasn’t even possible just a short time ago because of the incision that caused the scar.  There was no shower hopping.  There were lots of bandages and tape and stuff and absolutely NO hopping…none, notta, zilch on the hopping.

A few weeks after the surgery, I was wondering if the incision would ever heal.  On the whole my recovery has gone well, but it took that long incision a long time to close.  The healing process was taking place the whole time, but it wasn’t always visible to me.  What was visible to me made me very squeamish.  In fact, for a time I just didn’t look at my middle if I could avoid it…it’s how I survived those few weeks.

But today, there is a nice scar.  (You can call a scar “nice” when it is no longer an open wound.)  The scar is still tender to the touch.  There is still pain sometimes, but nothing like there was.

Scars are reminders of injuries and hurts.  Some hurts and injuries are planned, like my surgery.  The injury was necessary so that a greater healing could occur.  But some injuries aren’t planned…they just happen…and they might leave deep scars.

Around the time of my surgery I had been reading a lot in the gospel of Luke about Jesus choosing to die on the cross.  After Jesus died and rose again, the scars from his wounds were visible.  There are a couple of places in the Bible where he told his followers to look at his hands and his feet…to touch his side.  The people who saw the resurrected Jesus saw his scars…the scars of his planned injury…the fatal injury that would bring much needed healing to the rest of us.

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It seems to be a season of invitations at our house, especially for our firstborn.  This spring has been the first wave of classmates and friends of his getting married.  The invitations have been beautiful, each one different, reflecting the style of the brides and grooms who sent them.  It’s nice to get invitations.

We attended the wedding for one of those invitations this past Saturday…it was beautiful.  The bride was beautiful, the attendants were beautiful, the mothers of the two getting married were beautiful, the grandmothers were beautiful, the decorations were beautiful, the cake was beautiful, and on and on.

As we participated in this wedding celebration, I realized something, we were participating in the joy of the bride and groom and their families.  It was a joyous occasion.  Witnessing the young couple pledging their lives to one another brought me joy.  Remembering my own wedding day and thinking about my husband who had his arm wrapped around me throughout the ceremony brought me joy.  The joy of the event and all of the feelings it conjured up has remained the past couple of days.

I was thankful for the invitation because of the joy I got to share in.

What a perfect picture of the invitations that God sends my way…your way…our ways.  God invites us to share many occasions with Him.  He invites us to share in His salvation.  He invites us to come to Him often in prayer.  He invites us to trust His provision.  He invites us to join Him as He carries out His kingdom plans in the world around us.  He invites us into times of suffering sometimes…not to hurt us, but so that we may have an even deeper understanding of intimacy with Him.

And with all of these invitations come opportunities to enter into His joy.  God isn’t a killjoy, He is just the opposite…He is the definition of joy.  He created it…He gives it and He sustains it.  His joy that He wants to share with us is so worth saying “yes” to His invitations.

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It seems my family watches more movies in the summer and this summer is proving to be no different.  The other night, my youngest had a friend spend the night and we watched Disney’s “Prince of Persia.”  It’s an action/adventure story about a royal family made up of a father and three sons, and of course, an evil uncle.  Two of the sons are the biological sons of the king and the third is an adopted son, a boy taken off the streets of Persia because he had a look of royalty.

The Persians are valiant warriors, who vanquish their foes with great courage and skill.  And there seem to be a lot of enemies in this movie to vanquish.  An attack is led by the brother princes on the neighboring holy city ofAlamutbecause its inhabitants are supposedly selling weapons to the enemies of thePersian Empire; a ruse conjured up by the deceitful uncle.

As the story progresses, more and more enemies seem to appear, not all are enemies on the outside, but the biggest enemy is found within the royal family itself. Dastan, the adopted prince, is falsely accused of killing the King and trying to take the kingdom.  There is much killing, much intrigue, much deception.  Thankfully, the truth wins out in the end and Dastan is restored to his brothers and all is set right.

I had been thinking about enemies before I watched this movie because of something I read in Joshua chapter 10.  Just as there are dangerous enemies in the make-believe movie about the Prince of Persia, there are definite and deadly enemies inJoshua 10.  Five kings join together to fight against Joshua and the people of God, and five kings and their people will suffer defeat at the hand of Joshua and the people of God.  It wasn’t just defeat like, “Hey, we won and we beat you.  We’re the winners and you’re the losers!”

This defeat was the kind where all the kings and all of their subjects, every one in their kingdoms were put to death.  And when the five kings themselves were killed…when the Israelite commanders were told to put their feet on the necks of these kings so that Joshua could present them with a vivid picture from the LORD about what God would do to all of their enemies, it was not a PG-13 scene.  It was violent…it was complete…and it was final.

Joshua told those commanders, “Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.  Be strong and courageous.  This is what the LORD will do to all the enemies you are going to fight.” (vs. 25)

Whoa…that’s heavy stuff.  I read this chapter cringing.  It seems so harsh.  But, enemies are scary.  The kind of enemies talked about here are not the kind that go away when the movie ends…they are for real…they want to do you harm…they want to hurt you…they want to kill you…they want to destroy you and those you love.

Most of us don’t come into contact with enemies like that, the kind that want to kill us.  How in the world does Scripture like this apply to my life?  That’s what I’ve been thinking about.  And as I have thought about that, other Scripture verses have come to mind.

As a believer in Jesus Christ, the Bible says that I do have an enemy, there is someone who wants to do me harm.  The Apostle Peter names this enemy in his book, “Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8)  And Jesus said that this enemy only wants to steal, kill and destroy.  (John 10)

I don’t like having an enemy like that; that’s bad news.  Thankfully, though, God has some good news regarding His children and our enemy.  Just as God took care of those enemies of His children, the Israelites, He promises to take care of His children today.

I don’t like being in a war, but I believe that there is a war raging between God and His kingdom and Satan.  I don’t feel like a warrior, but Scripture says that is part of my calling as a child of God.

I’m even given instructions about fighting in the book of 2 Corinthians, “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.  The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.  On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Cor. 10:3-5)

So this morning, sitting at my computer typing, in my pajamas and robe, I realize that I need to prepare my mind for the battle that’s raging…and put my trust in the God ofJoshua 10, who will take care of all my enemies.

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I’ve recently made a discovery…a discovery about my coffee pot.  I love my coffee pot (not “love,” “love” but you know what I mean)…mainly because I love coffee and my coffee pot makes coffee for me when the water is put in it and the filter with the coffee is put in it and the button is clicked to the “on” position where the little green light lights up in all its greenness.  I love seeing the little green light come on because I know that means that coffee will soon be ‘a brewing.

I don’t have a fancy coffee pot…just a $35 coffee pot bought around 7 years ago.  I love this coffee pot because it doesn’t leak water out the back like the two coffee pots that I purchased before it did, which I had to return, which is always a hassle…a hassle that occurred when I had not had my morning coffee because my coffee pot didn’t work…which makes it a worse hassle because I’m spoiled.

Anyway, I love my coffee pot when friends are coming over and I make a pot of coffee for us.  I love my coffee pot when I make coffee for my older children, who enjoy a good cup of coffee like their momma.  I love my coffee pot when I make coffee just for myself on quiet mornings.

And though I love my coffee pot and have many happy coffee memories, my coffee pot is flawed…the actual machine part doesn’t have a flaw, the carafe has the flaw.  The lip on the carafe, where you pour out the delicious brew held within, is crooked…it’s not straight…you have to hold it just right or coffee spills all over the place.  For 7 years I’ve had to hold the pot just right when pouring, so that the coffee actually makes it into my awaiting cup.  For 7 years I’ve watched as other people, who don’t know about my flawed coffee carafe, began to pour a cup of coffee only to have it flood onto the counter or floor because I forgot to warn them.

Here’s where the discovery part comes in…last week as I was holding my coffee pot after washing it, I realized that the flaw is not a result of misshapen glass, as I have thought all of these years.  The flaw is that the plastic handle wasn’t placed correctly on the glass carafe…it’s not directly opposite the lip of the glassware.  THAT is why the person attempting to pour coffee from the pot has to hold it at a bit of an angle so there is no spillage.  This was an “aha” moment for me.  I now understand my coffee pot so much better.  I now understand its flaw.

The interesting thing about me and my flawed coffee pot is that I’ve never really wanted to replace it.  I accept my coffee pot with its flaw and I’ve made the adjustment necessary to use it.  I’ve made that adjustment most every day for several years now.  As you can tell, I’m even fond of my flawed coffee pot; I don’t want to replace it.

Sometimes, I just don’t like replacing things.  Even more…a lot of times…I don’t want to be replaced.  I can struggle with a fear of being replaced…and this fear can and does spring up in all sorts of places.

Yesterday I heard a message by pastor/author John Ortberg, entitled, “The Me I Want to Be.”  What he had to say was so thought-provoking that I went and bought his book of the same title…well almost the same title…”the me I want to be…becoming God’s best version of you.”

I leafed through the book this morning, and I noticed a quote on the back of the book’s cover:  “God wants to redeem you, not exchange you.”  God wants to redeem me…not replace me?  That’s when I was reminded of my coffee pot…the flawed one…the one I don’t want to replace.  When my flaws glare at me in the face, I tend to think that my replacement is the best solution.  But God isn’t about replacing as much as He is redeeming.  And He is all about redeeming…just ask His Son.

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Last summer, on a warm July afternoon, my husband and I went to a matinee with children, numbers 2– 5, to see the movie, “DespicableMe.”  I’ve watched it several times since.  It tells the story of Gru, a villain, who wants to commit the crime of the century…stealing the moon.  To achieve this dastardly dead, he adopts three orphans to help him acquire a shrink ray…which is totally necessary if you want to steal the moon, because you need to shrink it first.

So here’s why I love this movie:

1. It has unicorns in it.  Well, it has a stuffed, toy unicorn that belongs to the youngest orphan.  She loves her toy unicorn, which gets destroyed, but then is replaced…and she sings about unicorns.
2. I love the unicorn song…a simple song…one that will get stuck in your head.  It always makes me smile…we sing it a lot in our house.  “Unicorns I love them, unicorns I love them….”
3. The rest of the music is cool too…yes, I have the soundtrack.
4. There’s a great bedtime story at the end.
5. There’s a huge heart change in Gru when he allows himself to love the three orphans.
6. It has minions…cute minions, not mean, evil minions.  They are yellow and wear little overalls and speak unintelligible gibberish, but it’s cute gibberish…and they are funny.  I’m assuming that Gru somehow created these little minions…they work for him.
7. (And this is one of the biggest reasons I love this movie) Gru, the creator of the minions, calls them each by name…always…throughout the whole movie.  These minions all look alike…well, there’s the one-eyed variety and the two-eyed variety, but other than that they look alike.  Even though they look alike, their maker knows them by name.  I LOVE that part!!  Gru seems to have a relationship with each one of his minions!

That reminds me of my Heavenly Father and that’s why I’m thinking about “Despicable Me” early in the morning. I read a verse in my Bible today, in John 16  (verse 27) that tells me that God the Father loves me, which reminded me that He knows my name…I’m that important to Him.  I have to be reminded of that a lot…that I’m important to Him…and it seems that God uses some creative ways to do just that…even high-definition, animated cartoons on a big screen…or a little screen, whichever the case may be.

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This morning I read Psalm 84 in my Bible.  Verse 11 is a special verse to me…it reminds me of a special friend.  It reads this way in the New King James version, “For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.”

I remember when my friend was facing an extremely difficult time in her life.  In the midst of pain and hardship, she looked at me and said, “If God is withholding this from me then it’s because it’s not what is best for me.”  My friend truly believed what this verse says, that no good thing will He withhold.  In other words, if God is withholding…then for right now, it’s not good for me…it’s not His best.

God is a sun and shield, a light and protector.  He does give grace and glory.  And no good thing is He going to withhold if I am choosing to follow Him.  He wants the best for His children.

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My father has spent most of his life involved in business of some sort, whether it was managing part of a family manufacturing plant, or managing someone else’s company or owning his own business, business was his chosen occupation.  When I was very young, my father was also involved in the local government of the small town we lived in; serving on the city council and then as mayor for several years.  My father always had a lot of meetings to attend and work to do and it seemed to me that all of those meetings and all of that work was serious stuff…serious business.

I’ve been reading about another kind of business as I read through the book of Joshua in the Bible…serious business…very serious business…and very costly business.  The last couple of days, I’ve been reading in Joshua chapters 7 and 8.  This is right after Joshua had led the Israelites to defeat the city ofJerichoin an amazing victory; verse 27 of Joshua chapter 6 reads, “So the LORD was with Joshua, and his fame spread throughout the land.”

God was keeping His promise of delivering the Promised Land to His children…everything was in their favor…nothing could stop them…or could it?  Here comes the serious part.  When the Israelite army moved on to attack the next enemy, the smaller city of Ai, Joshua thought that surely a smaller number of troops would be required.  After the miraculous and stunning victory atJericho, the Israelite army was routed by the smaller army of Ai.  The fighting men of Ai chased the Israelites from their city and killed 36 of them…and “the hearts of the people melted and became like water.” (Joshua 7:5)

What had happened?  What went wrong?  What was God doing anyway?  When Joshua prayed to God to find out what was going on, he received a startling revelation: Israelhad sinned.

Someone in the camp had disobeyed the LORD’s command in regard to the plunder gathered in the battle ofJericho.  God had told them that everything within the city ofJerichowas to go into the treasury of the Lord.  Someone had disagreed with this command and had decided to take a few things for himself.  A man named Achan would be found out to be the culprit and the consequences would be severe…for him…and for his family.  They would all die for Achan’s disobedience.

Those were such severe consequences…maybe seemingly too extreme.  What was the big deal anyway?  I don’t know.  I was just reminded in reading this account in Scripture that sin is serious business….really serious.  I don’t have to understand everything about why God’s commands are what they are…He is God and I am not.  I just need to recognize that God’s principles and His ways are holy and going against them may have consequences that I don’t get to choose…and those consequences may be extremely painful for me and for those around me…those I love.

I’m very thankful for God’s mercy and His grace and His forgiveness that covers my sin.  I’m thankful for His knowledge that understands me through and through and His compassion that is new for me every day of my life.  But, sin is still an affront to Him and as I make choices every day…today…I need to remember that sin is serious business.

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I have a friend who is re-entering the work force after years of being a stay-at-home mom…after years of homeschooling her children…that’s a big change both for her and for her family.  I have a relative who is back at home after years of working outside the home.  She is looking for a job, but so far none have come her way.  I have a daughter who will be heading off to college in the fall…away from home…away from me.  I’ve been thinking about all of this stuff…the staying-at-home, leaving-the-home, working-at-home, working-away-from-home stuff that probably surrounds many of us.  And while all of this stuff is swirling around in my head, I’ve still been reading in the book of Joshua in the Old Testament of the Bible.

Yesterday, I read about the battle of Jericho.  Do you remember that song, “Joshua Fit the Battle of Jericho”?   The words to the chorus go like this:

“Joshua fit the battle of Jericho

Jericho Jericho;

Joshua fit the battle of Jericho

And the walls came tumbling down. ”

The chorus part is the main part I remember and as a child I did wonder (I still wonder) why Joshua “fit” the battle and didn’t “fight” it.  Anyway…I was reading in Joshua chapter  6 about God’s unique battle plan for Israel’s attack on the city of Jericho, which was surrounded by great walls.  It was a strange plan, to say the least.  I don’t think this particular battle plan has ever been used since in times of war, at least I’ve never heard of it.  But it was God’s battle plan, so Joshua thought it was the best plan to go with.  I think he was right.

The children of Israel were to march around the fortified city of Jericho once a day, with the armed fighter men (my boys always said “fighter men” when they were little) leading the way, followed by seven priests carrying trumpets and then the rest of the people.  As they marched, the priests would blow their ram horn trumpets.  Other than the sound of those trumpets, no sound was to be made by the people…no talking was allowed.  (All those people and no talking…that was the first miracle right there.)

The people would rise early in the morning and assemble and march in silence as ram horn trumpets blew…once around the city and then back to their camp…strange, to say the least.  The people of Jericho who surely gathered on the top of those walls to watch, had to wonder what in the world was going on.

Then the 7^th day came.  Things were to be done differently on this day.  This was the day that God would bring those walls tumbling down.  On this day, the 7^th day, the people were to march around the city 7 times, while the trumpets blew and then at the signal blast from the trumpets, the people were to shout.  It was that shout that would bring the walls down and the city to her knees.

Joshua did as he was told, the fighter men did what they were told, the priests blowing trumpets did what they were told, the rest of the people of Israel did what they were told…and the walls came tumbling down…just like that.  Most impressive.  Most miraculous.

After reading the story in Joshua 6, I then read a verse in the New Testament book of Hebrews, chapter 11, verse  30:  “By faith, the walls of Jericho fell, after the people had marched around them for seven days.”  By faith…the people marched.  I wonder if those people who were marching, one step at a time, realized that they were doing this big work of faith?  I wonder if maybe they just thought about the next step they were to take?

I think that maybe faith is more about taking the next step in our lives, trusting God’s ideas more than our own, than about huge leaps.  Oh, I do think that there are times for huge leaps of faith, but more common…like everyday common are little steps of faith.  Those are the kinds I’m watching my friend and her family take right now…daily steps of faith, trying to follow God’s leading.  Those are the kinds my relative is taking right now…waiting for God to provide for her needs on a daily basis.  That’s the kind my daughter is making as she prepares for a new school in the fall.  That’s the kind I’m supposed to be taking too…daily little steps…doing the next thing that God directs me to do, trusting Him with all of the outcomes.

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